Author Archives: Realistic Snark

About Realistic Snark

Leader of the Sass Parade. Reporter of #trumpertantrums. Unapologetically vocal.

Stupid people in your life? Kick them out.

I have seen, over and over again, people say the following statements:

“I can’t believe ____ and _____ would do this to me”

“I can’t believe someone would steal from me!”

“Get out of my bizness, bitches!”

[Thanks, Facebook, for bringing me these statements.  They make for good blogging.]

Anyway, I feel the need to shout from the rooftops to REMOVE these people from your lives.

Now, there are a few different people that say these things.

Situation one: The people who have to deal with douchecanoes because of a child/children.  It’s harder to “remove” them from your life, I’ll give you that.  I’ll come back to that.

Situation two: The people who choose to deal with douchecanoes because they can’t say no to people who ask things of them.  This can include 100 people living in the same house, lending things out to people who don’t deserve your help (eg liars and thieves), etc.

Situation three: The people who thrive on dealing with douchecanoes because it gives them some kind of effed up purpose, because they have no other options for entertainment in their lives.


For those in situation one – I am SO sorry you have to deal with that – I can’t even imagine.  I have an awesome, beautiful, wonderful friend who is going through this now.  Her daughter is beautiful too – and she has to deal with a daddy (or, who I like to call “sperm donor”) who likes to run around with the girl he cheated on her with throughout her entire pregnancy.  WTF.  It makes me want to drive 2 days just to sit down with him and have this conversation:

Me: “Hello, Jim Bob.  How are you?”
Jim Bob: “Well, fine.  What are you doing here?”
Me: “Well, I want to tell you what kind of lowlife I really think you are.  I think it takes a sick individual to cheat on his wife throughout her pregnancy.”
Jim Bob: “Well, I, uh…”
Me: “That’s right, Jim Bob.  You are too dense to formulate words at this moment.  I am a strong believer in Karma, Jim Bob, and I think that it is going to bite you in the butt someday.  You don’t deserve your wife – or, should I say, soon to be ex-wife, because she’s a smart woman and leaving your ass.  You deserve the whore you cheated on her with.”

I would then throw a slurpee in his face and drive home.  The end.

For situation two – you have the choice to cut those people out of your life, so why don’t you do it?  Do you REALLY need to have them up your ass, asking you for 100 things and taking advantage of you?  No.  They steal, they lie, and they make you feel bad when you don’t give them something.  I understand having a compassion for people who need assistance – but why do you put up with people stealing your stuff?  It’s unnecessary.  It’s sad.  Have a little more respect for yourself and your surroundings – don’t let people walk all over you.

Situation three – I think you thrive on drama and that is super annoying.  Stop it.  It makes you look like a drama queen, and not in a good sense.  I enjoy drama queen-ism – hell, even I have my moments – but when every other Facebook post is about how “bitches need to mind their own business” blah blah blah, it makes me put you on ignore.  If you only have one or two posts like this, you do not fall into this category.

So, take the drama out of your life.  Kick the stupidity out of your life (if you can – baby daddies are hard to kick out).  Take pride in yourself.  Cut the bullshit.

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Posted by on August 3, 2011 in Uncategorized


Children’s show writers – on drugs or crazy?

First, let me preface this by saying that I let my kid watch TV from time to time before the age of 2, despite what the AAP says. I know, crappy mom over here.

Anyway, we first introduced Word World, which actually isn’t too bad. Then, we moved forward with Seasame Street.

Let’s chat about SS for a moment. Can someone explain to me what half the characters are? I look at them and say, “Grover, what the hell are you supposed to be?” (please notice that I didn’t use Snuffleuppagus as an example, because I didn’t want to look up how to spell his name). My favorite part of SS? Elmo. Super annoying, but really cute at the same time. I’m doomed.

Then, we played a few episodes of Dora, to see what it was like. It is a little advanced for her, and Mamma isn’t able to listen to that for a long period of time. I get that the show is trying to be interactive – but do you really need to ask 3 times for the kids to locate the map? Just get the fucking map out already and go on your merry way. Have a GREAT time.

An episode of Yo Gabba Gabba made an appearance in our house this weekend. I am convinced that the people writing for that show are own drugs, and I would like to have some. Michael looks and me and says “there can only be one episode of this a day. I want to punch something”. It was 24 minutes of me say “what the hell is this” and laughing at DJ Lance. I could rock his hat, though.



So, is it a prerequisite to be on drugs to write for a kids show? Or just completely crazy? Do shows set out to drive the parent nuts?

Though the shows can be annoying, they give me 24 blissful minutes to be able to clean a toilet, make some lunch, or do a load of laundry. I can deal with cracked out Yo Gabba Gabba every once in awhile, right?

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Posted by on August 2, 2011 in Uncategorized


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